Vertically bookending Homer with Jackie O’s Pearls and Hamburgler’s shorts? Check
Mexican pony show tattoo via handstamp? Check
Rolling eyes with more secrets than the dead sea scrolls? Check
Creepy father figure looming over her while wrestling with a pants-troll from passenger seat of ice-cream truck? Check
Blackberry with word “HELP ME” permanantly burned into the display – glued into left hand with tears and oxycontin? Check
Good listener? Check
Handbag full of glitter, oblivion and morning-after pills? You betcha.
A licky outlook on life? Checkidy-check-check!

Mom, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.